You are in a new relationship and now wondering when to say I love you for the first time. These "three words, eight letters" have a huge meaning, so you will surely feel pressured if planning to confess. In fact, there are many fears stopping you from saying that, such as:
- The fear of rejection
- The fear that you say it too soon
- The fear that you won’t say it right
- The fear that you won’t be able to say it when facing the person
So, when is the right time to say I love you for the first time? How long should you wait before saying these precious words?
Get your answer in the following!
Table of Contents
The Right Time to Say I Love You…
To some, saying I love you for the first time in a new relationship is a big deal because that statement is serious. It also sends you anxiety because that person may not feel the same way and not return your confession. That’s why many tend to look for the right time to say these three words.
When is the right time?
Honestly, there is no right or wrong time to say I love you to someone for the first time. In fact, saying it or not depends more on your own feelings, so don’t scare yourself with all the thoughts about how the person will react to your confession.
But of course, you should at least have a deepening relationship with your partner. For some people, especially women, saying I love you means a commitment and requires a certain level of depth in feelings. You can’t blurt out these three words after just one or two dates or without any clue if they will say them back.
You have to be sure that the feelings are mutual and real.
Another note is that you must anticipate what these words mean for both you and that person. For example, "I love you" is just "You’re an awesome person and I love that" to some, but it can also be understood as "I’m drowning in the love for you and I hope you can stay by my side for the rest of life" to others.
There’s no exact time for when you should say these words; therefore, before uttering I love you, make sure what you’re feeling is actually love and that they come from inside of you.
Is It Too Soon to Say I Love You?
Then, let me ask you, "How soon is too soon?"
Like I said above, you can’t just confess all of sudden after a couple of dates (well, I know there are some exceptional cases), but overall you two must have a deep connection. If you use these three little words too early, your partner will be startled or think that you’re not serious enough.
In the meantime, you also need to be sure that whether your feelings are indeed love or it’s just lust and obsession.
Saying I love you requires a ‘trusted giving and receiving’ space on both sides.
The first time ‘I love you’ timeline of everyone is quite different. Based on a study in 2011, on average, men say it about three months into a relationship while women take about five months.
Here are some markers to help you determine when to say I love you for the first time, if needed:
1. Three months
Many couples these days decide to date for a while before making a serious commitment. Hence, during your 3-month count, remember that casual dating won’t be included. Some choose to say I love you as soon as they commit. However, in some cases, the partner may feel a lot of pressure if they receive the ‘I love you’ confession right after the commitment.
This means three months can be fast to some.
2. Five months
If yes, then this is the right time to say I love you. As soon as you two discuss about long term goals and experiences for the future together, it means your feelings for each other are real and solid. If your partner mentions about kids, marriage, travel, or moving out with you, it’s a sign they want a life-long commitment.
Aside from the specific markers, you can say I love you if:
3. You are two feet in the relationship
…and, you believe that person is the same.
If your relationship is still at the stage where you need to check constantly to see if things are going well between the two of you, then don’t bring the ‘I love you’ matter onto the table. Only say it when you both show the same feelings towards each other.
4. You are vulnerable with each other
In the beginning, the two of you are showing the best versions of yourself. But, as we are human beings, we have both strengths and weaknesses. If you just want them to see your good points, you’ll get tired of hiding your flaws at a certain time. To have a long-lasting relationship, both must be vulnerable with each other.
Life happens and it’s important for you to see all sides of your partner and for them to see all sides of you as well. Love them for their true self and they will love you the same. When you can trust the love you feel and receive, the words ‘I love you’ will fall out of your mouth naturally.
Shortly, when to say I love you for the first time?
Don’t ever force ‘I love you’ just because you two have been in a relationship for a certain amount of time or because you feel like you should say it. Love comes to your life in a natural way, so this meaningful statement should be said when you truly want to express it with the person you truly love.